Why Start this Blog?

To best answer that I must first introduce myself, I am a (semi) out London born gay Sikh man with a turban. After much discussion with my peers it was obvious that I did not know enough about Sikhism and especially it’s view on homosexuality. This blog will outline what I’ve learnt and how it relates to homosexuality. I’ve never been very religious but one could argue the fact that I wear a turban shows that I am somewhat. Sikhism is all about unity, inclusion and equality, so you’d think that homosexuals are accepted right? Well if you know many Sikh circles, the gay subject is taboo and being an out gay Sikh person is heavily criticised.

As with all religions the original message/scriptures are lost culturally. It’s well known that there is a caste system in Sikhism, but if everyone is equal, what’s the point of castes? So many questions, so little answers. I’ll be learning about Sikhism through literature, online debating and questioning elder members of my family to find out what a good Sikh should and shouldn’t do.

As I write this today, I only know of one online resource that tackles this very subject, Sarbat. The site is very good but it’s the ONLY one, to better spread the word that you can be gay and a practising Sikh, I feel there needs to be a bigger online presence. This blog is going to help achieve this.

If you find this site useful, please pass it on to your peers, this blog is for everyone, from curious straight non Sikhs, to homosexual Sikhs. Feel free to comment for improvements or to simply get your voice heard. I will read and reply to everyone.

Thank You

 

  • rainydays46

    Hi Bro, I am a straight Sikh woman and lost a very close friend of mine because he was unable to reconcile his sexuality with his family. His parents are respected in the local Sikh community although they are not particularly religious or Amritdhari. His father was East African, very open and modern in many ways, but completely unwilling to know his son once he came out. It is a tragedy and from speaking with others, there is an unwillingness to acknowledge that Sikh men and women can be and indeed are gay. There are real options – one being a lavender marriage or marriage of convenience with a like minded partner. If only for dikhaava, parents etc. it can and does work because there is honesty at the outset. I wish you every success and trust that in time, more Sikh Gay Londoners will come forward and share their experiences / meet up. All the best x

    • GaySikh

      Hi rainydays46, thank you very much for your positive comments. I’m very sorry for your loss, it’s sad to read that your close friend had the courage to come out (many don’t) and still was unable to find inner peace both within himself and his family. There are many of us that have the exact same background as your friend (East Africa, well known in the community etc), but that should never make us feel inferior, embarrassed or scared, if anything we should be just as proud because we are standing up for being equal, God has created us this way, meaning that we are as equal as anyone else. I personally know many Sikh Gay Londoners, some have Turbans like myself and hopefully within time this number will increase. Please spread the word about this blog as I really would like to reach as many people as possible. Your comments have truly touched me, thank you! x

  • Pingback: Rehat Maryada, Kam (Lust) and Family Life - Gay Sikh()

  • http://www.theasianworld.co.uk Ashok Kalia

    Dear Sir,

    I would like to do a story about you for our newspaper. Please get in touch ASAP to discuss further. Many thanks. Ashok

  • pure hetero sikh

    Sikhism is about equality of all humans.
    The brahmins have defined boundaries on classes of ‘untouchables’ that are not allowed to be associated with the normal brahmans.
    Sikhism was about eradicating all such boundaries and classes of untouchables.

    But the society of sikhs today seems to class Gays as the new untouchables !!!

  • Kuljit

    You’re doing some fantastic work here – keep it up!

    In principle Sikhism is a beautiful and profound way to engage with life and love. Sikh culture is another story altogether. The majority of Sikhs that I know think more about their status in their community rather than their status in the eyes of God.

    I was born this way and I believe that if I wasn’t gay I’d probably look more like a Sikh but have a much poorer relationship with my religion. Hard as it sometimes is, I’m grateful that God has placed me on the outside of the mainstream.

    Thanks again for your hardwork on encouraging this much needed debate!

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Kuljit,

      Firstly thank you so much for your positive comments. Unfortunately I have to agree with you, some people believe more about how they come across rather than how they actually are. When confronted with family, they will cover their sadness with fake happiness. This is the wrong thing to do, Sikhism teaches us to act with credibility and honesty. Covering your feelings is something that can be described as distrustful to one self.

      I’m sad to hear that your sexuality has encouraged you to become less religious. Hopefully this blog will instil some confidence within yourself to prove that Sikhism and homosexuality perfectly compliment each other.

      Being on the outside can have it’s benefits, one being able to understand your own religion without all the cultural influence, i.e. understand true Sikhism compared to how it may come across with your family (a caste system being one example).

      Again thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my blog, your continued contribution would be greatly appreciated.

  • PJ

    Hi there, I’m a straight Sikh (somewhat non-practicing) woman from London.
    When I was a teenager, I never thought about homosexuality as an issue in society and I was quite indifferent towards it actually. Not a supporter, not an adversary. It just seemed like something that just IS, like how there are different religions and races, there are different sexual orientations.
    Growing up, and then hearing the extent at which LGBT people were being oppressed and shunned from society shocked me. I then began to wonder, what if there was someone in my family that was gay, how would their parents react?
    That is the issue, I don’t know. It isn’t something discussed within our culture and so I began to think, how many are hiding? How many innocent young people, growing up in Sikh families, are actually closeted and suffering?

    So I simply searched ‘gay sikh’ in Google and found you.
    I have to say that I am so proud that you are pretty much the first one to put this matter into the light and you have the courage to speak freely about something that you were simply born with.
    I hope this is the first step to eradicating the stigma that comes from being a ‘gay Sikh’ and that other people like you get inspired to stand up for themselves.

    It is not who we are that defines us, but our actions and choices.
    We did not choose to be born the way we were, but we do have the ability to choose how we spend our time on this Earth. You are acting through bravery, strength and perseverance for the freedom and rights that no one should even have to fight for, and for that I commend you.

    Thank you, and I wish you well.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi PJ,

      Wow, such a lovely message! I find it so heart-warming reading this message and seeing that there are heterosexual people thinking in this positive way. Exactly as you said, we do not choose our caste, colour etc.

      I’d like to think with the next generation of Sikhs, the topic of homosexuality wouldn’t be so much of a taboo subject. It only takes one member to come out in a family before the whole family begins to talk about it. It would be good to hear what the elders opinions are based on the parents. From my experience I would expect my Grandmother to be more accepting than my parents. She is well versed with Sikhism compared to my parents who are all about fitting in and image (which they believe being homosexual is a discredit and embarrassment). Maybe this is related to the country they have been brought up in.

      You could potentially show members of your family this blog to ignite a conversation, maybe they have the same thoughts as you, you could be the driving force to bring this topic out of the shadows and to the fore front?

      It definitely takes strength to continue being a Gay Sikh (especially wearing a turban), however knowing my religion accepts it and knowing there is support from people such as yourself, it becomes easier every day.

      Thank you once again for your comment, it’s really made my day :)

  • Preet

    I am 16 and a gay Sikh living in London. Not out but I like to thank you for making this site to sorport us Sikhs. I was 13 when I realized I liked boys and its kinda hard to find other Sikh boys like my self. Keep up the good work.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi there Preet

      Thank you for taking the time to read this blog and also to leave a comment. Coming out is a very difficult process for some and can be made further difficult with Sikh parents who have cultural homophobic views. My advice would be to try and be yourself and much as you can and if you feel right tell one close family member. There’s no right age or time to do this, only you will know. As for support in the Gay Sikh space, there is plenty :-). I can direct you further if you’d like to know more.

      Once again, thank you for reading and replying.

      :-)

  • http://sikandarnirmalsingh.com nirmal

    sat sri akal ji! ki haal hai? ur site is awesome. we live in a time when there r so many people – sikh n non sikh who will judge others on their sexuality, but then go n do other dirty things in secret. so many indian sikh guys r marrying western girls who do all kindsof dirty stuff n pretend they like culture then turn around and bash sum1 for their sexuality. others r into porn, open sex, n more. i am a straight sardarni, and i see nothing wrong with homosexuality. its no different than being hetero, and as long as you respect the same morals, live ur live honestly n respectfully ur fine. frankly i find many gay and lesbisns to be better than many of us straight. so anyway, go you! u got a supporter n friend

    here, yaar! gur fateh…..

    • Gay Sikh

      Sat Sri Akal, whilst it’s not prudent to put others down, I agree with you in regards to living a moral life, sexuality shouldn’t even come into it. Thanks for your continued support!

  • http://sikandarnirmalsingh.com nirmal

    i extend the same message to preet n any other gay\lesbian sikhs out there…….just do ur best, follow ur morals, make sure u follow true sikhi n not the 3ho cult, n live ur life as best u can. teach ur partner respect no matter where they come from, and teach the community respect n morals. those who judge you on ur sexuality r fools. they have something to hide – they do wrong in secret n choose to pick on u to defend themself. ignore them. i have seen many gay and lesbians who live their lives with more respect than many straight, some religious, some not religious, some in interracial relationships, some not. we straight people are full of ourselves. we have a lot to learn.

    • Gay Sikh

      Thanks for your support! It’s true, we as Gay and Lesbian Sikhs can be just as religious as Straight people. By showing love to everyone without prejudice, so much happiness can be gained for everyone.

      • https://plus.google.com/110745450307996075199 harpreet singh

        hello and satsrakal.
        I have point to discuss. Everyone is just talking or looking into this matter in very rush kind of way. i must say that they dont even understand sikhism.
        now point what i want to raise is: as per religion there is no man or woman. they r just humans or in deep we can say souls. for the growth of humanity or any species there is need to go throw the process of reproduction(sex). so its true that upto some extent the sexual relation is not right in LGBTS.reason is, sex is very pure thing not just a course of entertainment of physical pleasure. in case of LGBTs there will be no result of sexual relation(that is birth of a new child). but my point is if we look this matter just on basis of this sexual relation (which s actualy happing) thn its wrong.
        as humans if we really know the meaning of love (even in context of gurbani we have to understand the meaning of love) then it will not be on the basis of a male body or female body.
        alot of things i wanna share but i hope some will try to understand my point of view.
        conclusively i want to say just, dont see this thing on basis of so called physical relation.

  • Wayne

    Greetings to the Sikh community. My son came out recently.We are not of any religion.If he is happy I am happy.That is all I want. Now I have alot of respect for the Sikhs. I like their values and stance on equality of race and sex. I like your food so much,I intend to learn enough Punjabi to get by and pay a visit to Punjab,to eat. I was a chef for almost 20 years but am bored with what your average brit is willing to try.I am bored with their lack of imagination limiting what I can put on a menu. Enough about food.I could go on too much. Now I respect the Sikh contribution to this country and respect them as warriors and great thinkers.The pursuit of the truth interests me as well.I am white and have a shaved head yet we share the same values. I am very surprised to hear that gay Sikhs would have trouble within their own families.I am a bit confused. I thought the truth was all important in the Sikh religion. We all know you cannot choose your sexuality and there are many Sikh scientists that could not refute this truth.I had naturally assumed that the Sikhs were above this kind of ignorance and prejudice by virtue of being seekers of the truth and valuing equality.I must say that I am a bit disappointed to find that you have the same prejudices in your culture. I have no cultural identity as such. Rather,I bond with people from various countries with whom I share similar values. I have no Asian friends at all.Mainly Due to lack of integration and lack of opportunity. My shaved head and scars may be a factor in making me seem unapproachable.My lack of knowledge had wrongly led me to assume that Sikhs were inclusive of everyone. I hope it becomes so quickly with the advantages of scientific proof backing up the truth that it is not a choice.If the creator chose you to be so,that should be good enough.You owe it to the creator to make the best of it and be happy.The truth is all there is.Everything else is untrue.Peace and love to the Sikh community.As seekers of truth,I hope you sort this out quicker than the rest of the world.It has taken too long already.Wayne.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Wayne

      Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, your positive comments are greatly received.

      Unfortunately it’s not a common understanding knowing being homosexual isn’t a choice. Many Sikhs that contest this blog say it is unnatural. My response is God made us this way and that is in no way unnatural. The bottom line is what some humans don’t understand, they automatically reject as incorrect. This is what needs changing, people need to be educated.

      I congratulate you on saying (regarding your son), ‘if he is happy, then I am too’. This is perfect, many parents think they’re doing the right thing pushing their into a ‘straight’ life without realising they are causing a lot more harm than good.

      It’s true that looks can be deceiving, you obviously can prove that. As Sikhs we are meant to treat all as equal regardless of how they look, so I’d like to say if you wish to make some Sikh acquaintances, maybe visit the Gurdwara and see how you’re received, I would hope it would be without prejudice.

      I can understand your frustration with my situation. As Sikhs we shouldn’t judge but on the other hand many do. Many reject the idea of a Gay Sikh. This is all down to a cultural aspect. Reading through the Guru Granth Sahib Ji (our 11th and final Guru), there is nothing condemning homosexuality. In fact out wedding vows are non gender specific! This blog is aiming to change this cultural impact by showing Sikhs it IS ok to be Gay and Sikh, there’s absolutely no conflict.

      Thank you for your kind words, I hope we all come to a unified understanding soon.

  • Wayne

    Nirmal,

    I resent your comment about western women doing all kinds of dirty stuff attitude.Looks like even though you are open minded to a degree,you still have some learning to do. There are all sorts of dirty people out there.Two consenting adults having sex however they see fit,is only dirty if you perceive it that way.What is dirty? Maybe the Sikh with the western woman is in a loving and fulfilling relationship. People like you worry me.We can only move forward together.I am a westerner.I have no such feelings towards easterners.People should be taken on a person to person basis.Sort it out.We are all on this world together.We need unity to be more than just a word.We need to feel it. Only then can we leave this nonsense behind us.Peace and love.I mean that,regardless of how your comment made me feel and how much it annoyed me.I hope you change your view.From a westerner to an easterner.Wayne

  • Pinark

    Hello and Greetings from India,

    I have been always attracted to the Sikh guys only and i am a out of the closet hindu guy, most of the people who know me know about my being gay, out to family, friends and relatives.

    In the past i have had 4 relationships with sikh men and the main reason of the breakups have been the lack of acceptance that parents can be accepting of their son being gay, 3 of the 4 guys i have been in relationship have been married to a women but still pretty active on the gay scene (nothing wrong in it), i hope and wished the sikh community was as accepting and the parents were open to accepting their kids as being gay and out to make their lives easier.

    There is no bias towards any of this in my comments on the top, i have always liked the sikh community and that is my likeing in life also call it a fetish or call it an attraction of the greater sorts.

    i have seen how these guys that i loved got forced into getting married against their will or they were too afraid to come out as their parents or siblings were not supportive, i am still friends with these exes of mine but do not like what kind of a situation they are in as of now.

    I am happy for u and admire your courage for coming out and also writing about yr experiences so openly, i wished people would draw courage from you and get the strength to face this socially bias world.

    thanks it was nice reading about you, would love to keep in touch.

    Regards

    Pinark.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Pinark,

      Thank you for your positive comments. It’s never a good idea when Sikhs are forced into a heterosexual marriage against their will if they are gay. I for one will definitely not be doing this obviously.

  • Mr Singh

    Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh, on your Instagram a point you said that it wasn’t the place for a debate and that you would address the comments in a future post, so I would like to know where thee place for a debate is and your reply to what I have said.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Mr. Singh, I’m very sorry to not have updated my blog earlier. Would be so kind as to post your latest comment here and I’ll make it into a blog post where we can began the debate?

  • Chaz Kaur

    Hi everyone……… I have just read all of the comments on this site and I am so pleased that someone somewhere has opened the can on this topic and subject matter! Praise and blessings to all my sisters an brothers who are in the same boat! I am a jatt Sikh female aged 41 and I cannot come out to my parents ….I simply cannot …not when they are so integral in the gurudwara and the community …that’s why I am looking for a gay or bi jatt male for friendship under the guise of a marriage …..does any one know where I can find a suitable site or does anyone want to have a marriage based on friendship only?

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Chaz,

      Instead of using this site as a way to find a partner suitable for an arranged marriage I’d like you to use it differently to better benefit you.

      I too thought it would be impossible to come out to my parents but as you can tell from my blog, I have. It wasn’t easy and by no means simple but it can be done. My whole family too is religious and heavily integrated into the community.

      Assuming your age of 41, it can be said you would have been approached for marriage many times. You have (correctly) rejected because a marriage is based on love and unity. How would you feel engaging in marriage in front of god knowing it to be a lie? I’m sorry but I cannot condone this kind of behaviour. Please look to come out to your parents and I’m sure you will find a suitable female partner with whom you can begin a beautiful life together with.

      I am always here for support and advice.

      Thank you

  • Gay all the way

    Hello there,

    I’m a gay guy living in Sweden and I was pleasantly surprised when I stumbled across your blog on the internet, I’ve enjoyed reading your posts. I was born in Sweden but I have Indian parents and a Sikh heritage, which isn’t very common up here.

    I say Sikh heritage because I don’t consider myself a “strict adherent”, even if I am influenced by the belief system due to my upbringing and many other factors. I’ve studied Sikhism a bit, not that much, but enough to get a firm grasp on the values. I always considered it to be a very open, intelligent and profound religion with compassion, wisdom and peace at heart – which made me all the more upset to hear of the agitation against gay people coming from people who claim to represent and speak for Sikhism, when there is no explicit foundation for it in the Guru Granth Sahib that I have heard of.

    I am of course familiar with the terrible taboo that concerns all matters related to sexuality in our culture – which is unfortunate and ironic as it seems to be a culturally “imported” value stemming from the British occupation and their Victorian ethics if what I’ve read is true.. Regardless, cultural values should not be superimposed on the legacy of the Gurus, especially considering that there is a firmly established codex – the Guru Granth Sahib – which is supposed to be the final word from the Gurus. Everyone has a right to interpret, but to lay claim to an interpretative prerogative is arrogant, especially if all Gurudwaras are supposed to follow the edicts of those people spouting these interpretations. What is your opinion on the matter? Even the rituals surrounding worship with all the pictures and idols seem to fly in the face of Guru Nanak’s teachings, even if I am no expert..

    I’m not really affected by their opinions since I live up here and don’t have to deal with it, but it somehow still feels like I’m not welcome to parts of my own culture, if you know what I mean. Even my parents have spouted bigotry with supposed basis in Sikh texts (like saying that gay people get cancer as punishment etc) but it turns out there’s no such message. After living in fear for way too long, I finally decided to come out last year.

    I hope you’re doing well and that you wont have to face bigotry now that you’re out. It would be interesting to hear about the reactions you’ve faced. If you have the time and inclination, I would be happy to exchange letters with you, I don’t really know any other Sikh guys up here so. You’ll find my e-mail address attached anyways.

    Be well and take care!

    • Anonymous

      how can I get in touch with the author of ‘gay all the way’ article? pls may I have his email address.

      • Gay Sikh

        Hi,

        I do not wish to disclose the email address of the above poster, however I’ll mail him and ask his permission. Please email me your address on admin@gaysikh.com.

        Thanks

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi there

      I must commend you on deciding to take the plunge and coming out. I hope you’ve found it a positive stress relieving process as I did. The key thing to make it easier for you to come out is to know and understand Sikhism in it’s purest form, that is, without cultural influence. Sweden is quite a liberal country where the issue of homophobia is almost non existent, I’ve visited and can say I experienced nothing of the sort (racially or otherwise). You’re very fortunate to be brought up in this country, imagine if you were Russian! :-(

      Unfortunately, as you’ve quite rightly mentioned, we get an incorrect interpretation of Sikhism through our parents. They can give us incorrect information without realising. My mother for example was adamant that homosexuality cannot exist within Sikhism. When I asked her to show me where, she was unable to do so. She was surprised as to how much I knew and how it is possible to be a gay sikh!

      The Gurdwaras role is to encourage the true form of Sikhism and preach what Guru Nanak intended. Unfortunately in my opinion this message has got lost. We have Gurdwaras for certain Sikhs. Some prefer Singh Sabha whereas others prefer other ones. This isn’t preaching equality but instead segregation. Another issue could be how we are brought up believing men and women sit separately in the Gurdwara, this isn’t correct!! You’re right to pick out so many inconsistencies.

      The same can be said for same sex marriage. The governing authority for Sikhism is called Akal Takht and they have instructed every Gurdwara to not carry out same sex marriage. This, in my opinion, is a completely cultural problem and one which can easily be eradicated by returning back to the Guru Granth Sahib Ji, the final Guru whose message isn’t affected by cultural issues.

      I’ll send you an email now with my details :-)

  • Mr Singh

    Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh

    You have stated on your Instagram account that being gay is something genetic. You also say that modern science proves this. Well unfortunately so called ‘modern science’ is delayed as it is only discovering new things which our gurus gave us the knowledge about centuries ago. Here is a solid argument to why being gay is not right and more of a disease:

    Charles Darwin’s theory of Evolution by Natural Selection condemns being gay. Variation exists within a population and mutations occur. Mutations happen constantly however only mutations which help a species survive are kept. This has now become a gene. This is then passed on to the next generation by breeding.

    By having a so called ‘gay gene’ will completely condemn concrete evidence of Evolution. The ‘gay gene’ cannot survive as it means instant death for a species as it means it will no longer be able to breed and therefore survive, because after all, it’s all about survival.

    If there was a so called ‘gay gene’, how would it be passed on as gay people have no offspring so therefor is purely and environmental affect rather than a chemical affect.

    In addition I would like to bring this back to Sikhi, our gurus lived the perfect life style and are our role models. None of the gurus were gay, so why should we be? By saying it is okay to be gay, is going beyond what guru Ji tells us, and therefore implies you are higher than Guru Ji.

    The questions which I had originally addressed to you was if everyone was gay, how would the human race survive?

    Forgive me if my opinions have offended you, but if I ask for forgiveness on guru jis teachings, then that is my sn. I hope maharaj does kirpa on you and helps you understand that you have misinterpreted guru jis message
    Bhul chuk di maaf,

    Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh

    Dhan guru, Dhan hai Teri Sikhi

  • Pingback: Evolution and the Gay Gene - Gay Sikh()

  • Anonymous

    WJKK WJKF,

    If you can read the article below, for those who can’t access the link it is from a few weeks back when a male student was harrasssed so much about being gay he choose it was better to not live this life than to face another day.

    http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/global-filipino/world/10/30/13/candle-lit-vigil-gay-rights-after-italy-youth-suicide

    I have 3 questions.

    1) if Guru Nanak Dev Ji was to see this situation of hate be discrimination what do you think he would say and do? Would he welcome him and take care of him, show him compassion and tell him that god loves us all, that we are created by his will alone. Or would he say until you change you cannot follow the path of truth, you can not follow a path of rightousness, you cannot follow a path that stands for equality?

    2) as Sikhs is this what behaviour we ourselves are doing? Because as I see it, it is exactly the same, we are disrespecting those who are gay. We are walking on those who have and are already being trodden on by society, we are those students who this man had to walk past each day, are we the reason as to why so many gay and lesbian Sikhs feels that they will kill their sikhi because they have been outcasted from their home, the gurdwara?

    3) if this is all lust and an optional lifestyle, would one really kill themselves if they had a choice?

    I am sure that if you asked the majority of gay people if they could change their sexuality they would say yes. Not because they haven’t accepted who they are, but because they are not allowed to be who they are. They are made to feel that they are a burden on their family. That they are the shame to their parents. They are not allowed to love with the same rights as someone who is born straight. The reason I say all this is because I am a lesbian who is Sikh. I at times have felt I cannot live, I cannot be Sikh, I cannot live with the truth that has been dealt to me. I at times find myself questioning if I kill myself then will that not also be a burden on my family? And then I remember that my love is with guru sahib. I remember that what makes a Sikh is serving others, standing up for rightousnes, meditating on his name, living honestly, making an honest living, waking up at Amrit vela, seeing everyone as one. Therefore I would ask each and everyone of you that oppose gays from being Sikhs, what is it that a straight person can do more in terms of sikhi than one that is gay? Which 5 evils (anger, greed, attachment, lust, ego) is a straight person not affected by unlike a person who is gay?

    Please awaken your minds and open your hearts.

    WJKK WJKF

  • J Kaur

    Honestly, I think its more of a culture and society issue than it has anything to do with religion because in Sikhism we are taught to have no hate or animosity to any person, regardless of race, caste, color, creed, gender, or sexuality. Marriage is the unity of two souls and souls are genderless it is stated so in the Guru Granth Sahib. People just haven’t been exposed to this and have a hard time dealing with change, but hopefully in today’s generation we will have more of an open mind and stop blaming everything on religion.

  • http://www.singhsdoingthings.com sonniboy

    I am a non-baptized Indo-Canadian Sikh with a deep longing for religious guidance in a world of hate and hypocrisy. Although I am heterosexual, I found this blogsite just randomly researching the opinion of homosexuality in the eyes of our Guru(s).

    I must say that although through my research I do not find any indication of disagreement with being both gay and sikh, I must commend you for the path you’ve taken in helping encourage the debate as well as guiding other homosexual sikhs towards a safe passage of coming out and being comfortable with their homosexuality.

    I personally feel that it is looked down upon in the community, as we see the Akal Takht condemning homosexuality and influencing Canadian MP’s to support laws that prohibit homosexuality.

    Had Guru Gobind Singh Maharaj been alive today, would he have supported homosexuality? Or did he at any point in his life? Because views on homosexuality tend not to be a primary concern in Sikh teachings, as the universal goal of a Sikh is to have no hate or animosity to any person, regardless of of caste, creed, color, race, gender, occupation or social status. And as I understand it there are three entities in Sikhism, Sikh, Guru and God. The Guru is the sole intermediary that facilitates reunion of a Sikh and God. No Sikh Guru ever excluded anybody nor there is an exclusionary clause in Sikh creed.

    The Guru Granth Sahib details what behavior is expected of all Sikhs, almost always encouraging married life. Marriage in Sikhism is seen as a union of souls. In Sikhism, the soul is seen as genderless, and the outward appearance of human beings (man, woman) is a temporary state.

    That being said, if your outward appearance is of a man/woman, should you not follow that temporary lifetime state of gender and persue a married life accordingly?

    I’m not sure. Most in the community would argue that way and I personally believe our Guru’s would also disparage homosexuality without necessarily neglecting it. Sikhism’s concepts of traditional sexuality and family unity is fully equipped to provide all basic human needs i.e. sustenance, shelter, sex, reproduction, security and platonic love.

    But above all else, Sikhs should encourage love for all sentient beings as love and truth conquers all.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Sunny,

      Thanks so much for taking the time to write a message. I’ve been following your blog for a long time and really respect you. You come across as a modern Sikh with a very good understanding of Sikhism, there is a lot that I can learn from you.

      I have no doubt that if any of the Guru’s were alive today, they’d have no prejudice towards Homosexuals and they definitely wouldn’t wish to exclude them from Sikhism like many Sikhs today do. Sikhism is an inclusive religion that encourages a loving family lifestyle free from the 5 thieves.

      Often I am told being Gay means I’ve fallen ill to lust but this couldn’t be further from the truth. As a Gay man, I too can live a fulfilling stable family life and not fall ill to lust.

      Unfortunately nothing has been explicitly written about homosexuality during our Gurus existence. There’s no doubt in my mind that Guru Ji came across homosexuals, I would argue nothing was written as there was nothing to write about.

  • Queer Sikh from India

    I only recently discovered this blog. And as I read through the articles, I felt peace in my heart. I appreciate the patience and decency in the blogs. Thanks a lot for starting this.

    • Gay Sikh

      Thank you :-)

  • james ga

    I have a young gay Punjabi friend coming as a student. Is there anything taboo as far as discussing regarding his sexuality. I am also gay. I want him to feel comfortable and ask and talk about things. he is Jatt castes. His friend asked if I would marry him. I laughed and said no! Australia and India are very different cultures. and with it being illegal it needs no discussion.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi James,

      Homosexuality can be a taboo subject within Sikhism. I would say do what you think is right as a teacher. I would maybe look at a answering these questions:

      Is knowing his sexuality important within the classroom environment?

      Does it make a difference if you (his teacher) are gay?

      Have you seen any indication to show he is struggling or being bullied about his sexuality?

  • https://www.facebook.com/TheSikhMeditations/ Anonymous

    Hello Brother,
    I too promote an interpretation of open minded Sikhism philosophy of which I think nothing is more natural.
    I have a page I made based on some papers I wrote and I sometimes make memes like this one. I’d like you to know that I make the effort to promote spiritual equality not just over caste, colour and sex but also sexual orientation. Check this one out. I have received a lot of hate for doing my little project so it’s become important to me to share positivity and connect to other progressives like yourself.

    https://www.facebook.com/TheSikhMeditations/photos/pb.322071674559065.-2207520000.1396694781./343666282399604/?type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Fscontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-prn2%2Ft1.0-9%2F166751_343666282399604_2145507033_n.jpg&size=800%2C600&fbid=343666282399604

    You have been very courageous and I encourage people in kind. In fact I tried to make a meme about reminding people that Guru Nanak would similarly been hated on for challenging Brahmanistic practices that riddled his culture. Check it out

    https://www.facebook.com/TheSikhMeditations/photos/pb.322071674559065.-2207520000.1396694781./330595937039972/?type=3&src=https%3A%2F%2Ffbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net%2Fhphotos-ak-prn1%2Ft1.0-9%2F149320_330595937039972_1890387141_n.jpg&size=800%2C600&fbid=330595937039972

    Please don’t feel like I’m just self promoting here lol. But this is not spam, and I would love to make an alliance of positivity since the hatred is so powerful. I’m sure you deal with a lot. I’m doubtless there is a lot you can add to my knowledge as well if you feel so inclined.

    There is definitely a conflation of culture and what is Sikh philosophy. I think the Rehat is in part an outcome of tying to force Sikhism as a philosophy in a more of the lens of Abrahemic religion.

    Anyway, I’d love to hear from you, or your thoughts about my page. Even if you’re not interested I hope you feel my positive support. If there’s anything I can do for you, or something you think we can do together, let me know.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Anon,

      Thanks for the links, they are really good and useful for sure. Really happy you came across my site and find it synonymous with your teachings. What kind of collaborations would you be interested in?

  • Asian Expat

    Hi,
    I just Googled about the topic and randomly stumbled upon this blog today. I always saw religion and homosexuality in isolation. I never thought religion ( let alone my religion ) could have a link, a community or possible acceptance of homosexuality. I am religious, however I am homosexual too – but separately. This blog has given me a fresh perspective to think about it. A possible convergence. A new meaning.

    It has been days since I have been struggling with the thought of coming out to my parents as it has been getting suffocating. I somehow feel that it is harder so for Sikhs. The thought has been weighing heavily in my head and thus I randomly Googled the phrase Gay Sikh. Reading a few entries today has given me strength, encouragement, a glimmer of hope and has made me smile in so many days. I am a turbaned Sikh and I live and work outside India and I am planning to come out to my parents in my next visit, which is soon.

    Thank you so much for this initiative. I guess I need to sort out my own personal issues before starting to actively contribute to the blog. But I will surely stay tuned for motivation, encouragement, re-assurance and understanding.

    • Gupt Singh

      I am gay sikh and have been gay and sikh since a young age
      At first I didn’t quite know or understand what to think of do of it due to our culture and being scared of others opinions.
      Although I was sikh, Its fair to say I wasn’t a good one. I didn’t live by the code of conduct that is given to us. Reluctantly I started attending sikhi camps and becoming more spiritual. I was always conscious of being gay and I did not want this to affect the way people saw me, so I kept it quiet.
      Astonishingly now it’s fair to say that I have kept in the company of amazing Sangat and some of the elder gursikhs in the panth here in the UK. I am on my journey to board the gurus boat and am hoping to take Amrit soon. One thing I have realised is that I am no longer gay, you may thing that wait a minute, you can’t just suddenly be not gay, however I am a living example of it. My love for god is much more than the love for men, so I have become detached from this false love and am intoxicated with the real love I have for god.
      I stumbled upon this blog out if luck, and I began reading some of his previous blog posts, one thing that I found quite offensive was that he himself said that he was a practising sikh, so therefore how can he represent all sikhs by saying that being gay is acceptable in sikhi when quite frankly he is not yet a khalsa. I am not angry toward the owner, but I feel as if you have been misguided by this false world.
      Chul chuk di maafi

      • Gay Sikh

        Hi there,

        Thanks for you comment. Firstly I want to say, I am by no means someone that answers for all Sikhs. I am simply portraying my opinion on homosexuliaty within Sikhism backed up by references to the Guru Granth Sahib Ji.

        I am not one to tell you whether you are gay or not, this is your own journey. However by your own admission, can’t a straight person also give up loving anyone except for god? And if so, that would mean you’re practising celibacy which is something Guru Nanak Dev Jo condemned.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi there

      Congratulations for taking the time to make one of the biggest decisions in your life! Coming out to your parents is the right thing to do, I hope they respond favourably to you, however if they don’t, simply understand it’s a lack of understanding on their part and you are simply living how you were born. I congratulate you once again, please do let me know how you get on?

  • https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002328890208 Gagandeep

    Ciao ragazzi.
    Io sono Gagandeep, vivo in Italia a Latina a sud di Roma, ho 16 anni e sono un ragazzo GAY dichiarato, la mia famiglia è del Punjab e tutti credenti Sikh. È stato bellissimo scoprire l’esistenza di un blog così bello, così libero, così pieno di speranze! È bello sapere che non sono l’unico gay sikh che si interessa di questo argomento di forte attualità. Io non sono un forte credente, ma ho studiato abbastanza sil sikhismo da dire che è una filosofia di vita stupenda, che di certo non ripudia questo amore.
    Mi ha fatto piangere di gioia leggere così tanti post positivi che sostengono tutto ciò!

  • Anonymous

    Please can you email me on chazza769@gmail.com because i am in a difficult situation myself

  • N Singh

    Sat-Sri-Akal, I am a seventeen year-old Sikh. I’m not gay personally but I consider myself a “straight-ally”, so to speak. I unconditionally and vehemently support the right of anyone to express their sexuality without reprisals, discrimination or persecution. Furthermore, I believe it is my responsibility as an adherent of Sikhism – an egalitarian, enlightened religion – to do so. I am familiar with individuals who choose to identify as “gay Sikhs” and the resultant ostracism they face within their own communities. I believe that the opposition you may have faced after coming-out is largely illustrative of socially-conservative Punjabi traditions, as opposed to religious or theological issues. With regards to the issue of homosexuality in Sikhism, this is my perspective and I feel it is an effective method of reconciling the two. In my opinion, Sikhism criticises sexuality (interchangeable with lust, or “kaam”) as a whole, regardless of orientation. Therefore, homosexuality, heterosexuality, and any other types of sexuality are equally discouraged (). Sexuality is overall considered a carnal inclination and one as Sikhs we should try to repress where possible, as it provides temporary distractions from God. The only reason a conventional, ‘straight’ marriage is encouraged is for utilitarian purposes of procreation and cultivating family-life – otherwise the nature of the relationship should be strictly platonic. With this comes the problem that sexuality is primarily a biological disposition, not an environmental characteristic and therefore it is human nature to be physically attracted to other people. Nobody is perfect; therefore I don’t believe a “gay-Sikh” is any more an oxymoron as a “straight Sikh”, a “tobacco-smoking Sikh” or an “alcohol-drinking Sikh”. Ultimately, my position is that homosexuality is prohibited to the exactly same degree that heterosexuality is. So sexuality is disapproved of, but this does not mean you cannot simultaneously identify as being “gay” and “Sikh”. Again I’m not a theological expert but this is my overall understanding over the matter and I would be interested to hear your thoughts on it. Please do feel free to email me as I fully support you and would love to contribute to your cause. WJKK WJKF

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi

      Thanks for taking the time to read and write on my blog. I appreciate you taking the time to write a polite and well thought out comment.

      I agree that Sikhs shouldn’t fall ill to lust. Sikhism is only 500 years ago; it’s a ‘modern’ religion. The rules were put in place because 500 years ago, they made sense. I don’t think I know of any Sikh that exercises in showing love to one another in a physical sense only to procreate. Humans have a natural desire to make love to one another. Guru Nanak Singh Ji did not approve of celibacy as it went against human desires but also he didn’t approve of doing it often as that can form lust. I agree with this approach.

      It’s definitely interesting how you don’t agree with a heterosexual or homosexual Sikh. The big positive that I can take from this is that you don’t have a problem with a Gay Sikh. So many straight people in my immediate circle do not think Gay Sikhs should exist and if they do, they’re against Sikhism as a whole. It’s refreshing to hear you not back this notion.

      • N Singh

        Sat-Sri-Akal paji, the essential point I was trying to make is that we’re all sinful – nobody’s perfect – and I don’t believe Sikhism has any more opposition towards homosexuality than it does towards other things. And I believe Sikhism as a religion encourages us to stand up for the oppressed and for righteous causes – therefore it is incumbent on every Sikh to support LGBT rights, irrespective of their own personal orientations. I wasn’t attempting to promote celibacy btw, but I think we are on the same page here. Some of the Sikhs I’ve interacted with (who are the most intolerant towards homosexuals) are often alcohol-drinkers and clean-shaven individuals; I was trying to highlight their hypocrisy in this context and explain how anti-LGBT sentiment mainly derives from conservative, masculinised Punjabi culture as opposed to a holistic understanding of the Sikh faith. I would like to stress emphatically that I don’t believe a gay Sikh is any more sinful than a straight Sikh, and I’m reminded in this instance of a quote from Guru Nanak Dev Ji: “hum nahee change, buraa nahee koi” (I am not good, no one is bad). Please feel free to email me if you feel like discussing this further. I am also interested in contributing to your cause and standing up for LGBT Sikhs, please do let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. Take care. We’re all human at the end of the day. WJKK WJKF

  • JD

    I’m a Sikh female from the Midlands. I came out to my family around 7 years ago. It was hell at first as I’m sure many of you can imagine. There was anger hate loss and a feeling of betryal…. To all involved. I was removed from the family and left to build my own gay life without them. I had to start from the very bottom, but it was my family history that kept me going. I am a Sikh (not baptised), and having core fundamentals that my family brought me up believing. It’s the strong Sikh fundamental beliefs that stopped me from hating my family for what they did and they became the driving force in my approach to almost “turning” the mentality around.

    Well I feel it’s our duty to educate our elders and for me I wanted to prove I was still the same girl they raised with the decent morals and ethics they handed to me as a child. I spent years trying to explain how this is not a phase. How I am not ill. I am not being punished by God and not are they but I am simply being who my soul is crying out to be.

    Its a big story but in a nutshell, 7 years later. I have met the woman I one-day wish to marry. I live with her. My immediate family know, my siblings have met her but the next big step is meeting mum and dad. So far my mum is now able to ask me “How is your friend?” Which is a massive step compared to the complete ignorance I used to have to deal with.

    I’m trying to slowly but surely put boundaries in place, I come home, but not too often as there needs to be give and take. Also I fear the day I say we will marry is the day I may again lose them all. See my family are very aware of what the community may think feel and act. So at the moment all is well when under the privacy and security of the family home walls. But I wish to settle and have children. My family always stuck together growing up, and it is exactly what I plan to do with the family I create.

    I will work to educate and help my family understand without losing them, but one day push will come to shove again, when I want to wed, if my parents can’t bear the idea off attending and taking my partner into our home like they would a groom then I would have to draw a line and continue without them. Sad, but a very possible outcome.

    Sorry unjust probably was ranting but hey if anyone can relate please let me know. X

    • Reader

      I can totally relate to how you feel. I am an Indian Sikh. I maintain hair n turban, but not baptised. I came out to my family 4 years ago, 3 of which were spent meeting various psychologists. It was tough to make them understand that it is not an illness to be cured. They are still pretty homophobic. I assume it will take another 2 years for them to be comfortable with the idea that I wish date guys. But I will continue working with them. As you rightly said – ” I feel it’s our duty to educate our elders ” I’m just continuing with that faith.

      • Gay Sikh

        Hey there! Thank you for reading and replying to my post. You’re very brave indeed, coming out can be a difficult process especially for Sikhs. It sounds like the hard work is done and you’re parents and now just adjusting. Do you have any advice for other Sikhs that wish to come out too?

        • Reader

          I don’t have much advice, as each home has its own dynamics. Every coming out experience is unique. But yes, they all have this in common – We have to be *patient* coz our parents are dependent on us for understanding the new world of queer relationships that we are unfolding unto them. It will be a *long process*, just like it was when were trying to accept our orientation.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hey JD, excellent story. It’s unfortunate that coming out was a long winded process but hopefully this helps cement in your parents mind that you are homosexual and it’s not a choice. Shame on the family is a big problem and the best way to handle it is by showing them how in Sikhism it’s not an issue. Once they get behind you, there’ll be no shame. I wish you the best of luck in your soon-to-be marriage. Please keep me posted!

  • JD

    I’m amazed how many are in this situation. It’s a shame how how I want to reach out to others within the family ( who I can see secluding themselves like I once did) but don’t wish to offend. I feel I have the duty but unaware how to act in it without offending aunts uncles or them directly

    • Gay Sikh

      Do you know of gay people within your family that you wish to help coming out?

  • Mandy

    Hi there,

    This may sound very odd but I find it heartwarming and feel happy that this page seems to give me hope and yet I feel a bit sad to be writing to you when I feel like I can’t go to my loved ones. I have recently got in a lesbian relationship..I don’t feel my relationship questions by spirituality or religious beliefs in any way. I believe in equality and acceptance. But the only person that I have been able to tell about my relationship is my best friend (who responded pretty much with “I love you and as long as you are happy).”

    However, I know my responses to others won’t go that way – especially where my family is concerned. I have been to a couple of family functions in the last couple of weeks and looked around knowing that this won’t be the way it is for me – I feel sad but also frustrated that my love won’t be accepted in the same manner. I’m scared I’m going to lose people, I am scared that my family will disown me and I am also scared that people will speak ill to my parents(especially as my parents are Amrit Thari). I’m not really sure how to cope with that? Apologies about the rant……

    • Gay Sikh

      Hey Mandy,

      No need to apologise for the rant, it’s a genuine concern. I agree with you in that it’s possible to be religious and a lesbian but unfortunately, as you know, family members may not approve of your sexuality.

      Your parents love you and they want what’s best for you. Being a lesbian probably isn’t part of their life plan for you. Telling your friend was a good decision and I’m so happy to hear it went well. Hopefully over time when you feel it’s right, it might be worth mentioning it to a closer member of your family, someone you can trust. This will help you feel at ease with the situation.

      Some people find the best decision to tell their parents up front, being open and honest can be the best strategy. If you know religiously how being a homosexual compliments living a Sikhi life, then this will be useful during these conversations. They may disown you, or they may not. Ultimately they will always love you. There’s no correct answer for this except to stick with it, coming out is the right decision but it needs to be on your terms. How does your partner feel about this situation?

  • Mandy

    Hey Gay Sikh,

    Thank you so much for replying. It is really nice to be able to speak to someone about this.

    My partner is great about the situation. She is really supportive if anything. She is White but very understanding and just speaks about taking it one step at a time. Shes been out for years but has also been through the motions with her family and friends so gets it. And she knows the difficulties that are likely to be ahead.

    It is funny you should say that about a family member, I was speaking to my sister yesterday and she randomly came out with “if you were gay I would want to know” and said it may take some adjusting but as long as you are happy. That was incredibly reassuring. I didn’t have the guts to own up yesterday but I didn’t deny it either. It’s nice to know that I could go to her.

  • Anonymous

    Well done for starting this blog. I am a Sikh woman and former teacher. I am concerned about what the emerging Sikh schools are teaching the children attending. As far as I know they currently teach that homosexuality is prohibited in Sikhism. This will alienate those children who may know they are homosexual, or are exploring emerging feelings. Well done for creating this space to discuss these issues- keep it up.

    • Gay Sikh

      Thank you! I’m deeply disappointed that Sikh schools are teaching homosexuality is prohibited. Does this go against any UK laws?

  • http://onagaynote.wordpress.com Daniel Moore

    Hi there,

    My name is Daniel Moore and I am gay lifestyle blogger and writer for QX magazine. I’m currently writing a blog post about the Gay Sikh culture in London and it would be great to get you involved. Would you be happy to answer a couple of questions if I send them over in an e-mail?

    Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.

    Dan x

    • Gay Sikh

      Hey Dan,

      Thanks for stopping by, I’d love to help! Have emailed you :)

  • Sean

    Hi there I m a Punjabi gay boy living outside from India was married and divorced as push by parents nd our community but I didn’t make it as I thought before marry to girl that it might be my ” mental ability ” which can’t understand difference between gay strt8 nd bisexual person but after marriage I didn’t make it as a normal married person can … After divorced it’s been more than 5 years nd I am still looking for rite person , as we all know that there is 100 of web sites nd applications where u can meet people for sex nd all , but person like me I am actually looking for a Punjabi guy to settle down who can be serious in relationship and unfortunately we don’t have any kind of web dating site for Punjabi Sikh gay guys … I kindly request if u can consider about this and help out guys like me to find their rite partner around the world … Thnx

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi there

      I’m sorry to hear that you had such a difficult life, especially with regards to a failed marriage. It’s very difficult to come out openly as Gay especially living in India where it is illegal. I congratulate you for wanting to settle down and be in a serious relationship, this is what Sikhism is all about. Unfortunately, I’m not aware of any Gay Sikh dating sites and to be honest, it’s not something that I personally would like to do for many reasons. I wish you the best in the search for your partner. If anyone would be interested in meeting you, I’d be happy for them to reply to this message in the comments section. I hope this works for you.

  • Renee

    Hi,
    Is there a way I can contact you off this page? I am trying to help an Indian client and would like some advice.