Rehat Maryada, Kam (Lust) and Family Life

GuptKaur made some very interesting comments about my previous post outlining why she believes there’s no place for homosexuality within Sikhism. I have chosen to reply to this in way of a post. I’ll be quoting her and then adding my response after.

 

First of I want to say I am not against homosexuality. BUT I do wonder where your knowledge of Sikhi stems from or how deep it goes. Alot of it seems to be based on what you wish to believe and interpret, which can be said for anyone.. But just try to be literal with Gurbani for a second and although Maharaj does not directly state anything about homosexuality it is very clear through our Rehat Maryada/Rehatnameh (code of conduct) that a marriage or relationship – should be between a man and woman.

May I start with first saying your comment is very well written and raises some interesting points. I respect your opinion on the matter and can only hope you do mine. In my Introduction post I stated this blog exists to amalgamate all the knowledge I am gaining whilst researching homosexuality within Sikhism. At no point have I ever claimed to a scholar, by debating on here and Twitter I am learning continuously.

In 1950 the current Sikh Rehat Maryada was produced based upon the work of Sikh scholars, seeking to better standardise Sikh practices throughout the International community. It is entirely possible that the Rehat Maryada could be revised again in the future. Currently it states that no man or woman is to create holes in the ears or nose, many Sikh females I know do this and have had a marriage within a Gurdwara.

 

Also, a big aspect in Sikhi we take extra caution of are the 5 thieves – Kaam (lust), Krodh (rage), Lobh (greed), Moh (attachment) and Ahankar (ego).
Lust being number one, how would you justify engaging in sexual pleasures with another man/woman if you are not doing in order to reproduce – make a baby? Are you willing to refrain from sexual pleasures and remain celibate as a Sikh?

Kam can be defined as excessive passion for sexual pleasure. It is heavily discouraged especially outside of a marital bond. Can you show me where it states that expressing love between two partners should ONLY happen to pro-create? My understanding is that Guru Nanak was against celibacy and strongly discouraged Kam. I see no problem in myself expressing love with my married partner and not falling ill to Kam.

 

You are simply not born into Sikhi, but it is a way of life you adopt.. You become a Sikh of the Guru. But if you are picking and choosing what you can or can’t do & highlighting aspects of Sikhi that please you – it is, in my opinion.. Wrong.

I agree with you when you say it’s incorrect to pick bits of Sikhi, I understand that it’s important to understand and follow the whole of Sikhi. Please can you show me how I am picking parts of Sikhi to follow and not to follow? I’d like the chance to defend myself on this topic.

 

Sikhi emphasises on a family life – there are many references made to bride/husband woman/man in Gurbani.. There may be no definitive view on homosexuality but it is very clear that Sikhi is focussed on heterosexuality.

It’s completely possible to have a family life in a same-sex marriage. Gurbani does teach us to lead a family loving life providing love and support to all members of the family. Unfortunately there are Sikh widows and widowers, does this mean they are unable to live a Sikhi lifestyle? How about a couple that are unable to conceive, are they?

 

What you are as a human is nothing to do with your Sikhi.. I do not judge you, but I would beg of you politely to not promote homosexuality in the name of Sikhi and not to disrespect my Guru Sahib by talking of performing homosexual Anand Kaaraj in a GuruGhar. This, I would find extremely saddening & disrespectful.

I think you may have misunderstood the purpose of this blog. The intention is not to promote homosexuality within the name of Sikhi but more to raise awareness that in no way does homosexuality contradict with Sikhism. One of our core beliefs are to treat all as equal, being homophobic, providing death threats, prank phone calls etc are not adhering to this. It’s important that I can highlight this as I wouldn’t want anyone else to have the hardship I’ve had. Have you heard of It Get’s Better in America? Many young teens are committing suicide because of their sexual orientation, I would hate for this to happen to Sikhs especially since our religion is so welcoming and inclusive.

 

We also have codes of conduct put in place by our very own Panj Pyare (5 Beloved Ones) – who are we to go against what they tell us? We were given the Akal Takht as our highest authority – who are we to go against what is instructed to us by what was put in place by our sixth master – Guru HarGobind Sahib Ji? You say you wear the dastar of Guru Gobind Singh Ji, forget everybody else – how do you think you are representing our Father?

Yes I wear a Dastar and wear it with pride. My relationship with God is direct. Akal Takht is an authority that I respect but obviously I do not agree with their rule condemning same-sex marriage. In 2006 Sikh scholars wanted change in the management of Akal Takht as they felt it wasn’t being run the way they saw fit. This would suggest to me that Akal Takht’s rules are not set in stone and are open to change. It’s entirely possible that same-sex marriage could be allowed as a result.

 

I also noticed you mention there is caste in Sikhism in a previous post – I would like to correct you and say actually there is NO caste in Sikhi but narrow-minded, backwards people still adopt very silly cultural traditions/practices which are totally against Sikhi.

With regards to the caste system, I mentioned in my Introduction currently there exists an obvious caste system within Sikhism (Tarkahn/Jatt/etc).”It’s well known that there is a caste system in Sikhism, but if everyone is equal, what’s the point of castes?” This is then further discussed in the Everyone is Equal post where I mention Guru Nanak Dev Ji did not agree with the caste system. I was simply pointing out that we are all aware of a caste system, but religiously speaking castes should not exist. Unfortunately culturally they do. Similarly, I believe that homophobia is a cultural issue and not a religious one.

 

Please, for the sake of yourself – educate yourself FULLY in Sikhi and become a true Sikh of the Guru. Then you will understand.

I am nobody at all to judge you, but as your sister I hope I have guided you a little better on your path.

Sorry for anything I have said that may have offended you.
Vaheguroo.

There is no need to have concern, I am learning more and more about Sikhi in my daily life. Everyone is on a journey to more understanding. Nobody can claim to know everything.

I genuinely appreciate your comments, it must have taken a long time for you to write what you did, you wrote it with respect and genuine concern and for this I am grateful. I similarly hope you will read my response with the same feeling. You have caused no offence, I understand why you think the way you do, I’m hoping that this may change.

 

Waheguru

35 Comments
by on February 9, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Gay Sikh
Posted by Gay Sikh on February 9, 2013

http://www.gaysikh.com/gay-sikh/rehat-maryada-kam-family-life/

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  • Anoop

    I’m nor against gay Sikhs nor am I for it. My personal preference is neutral and believe everyone is equal and deserve a life free of harmful judgment. My question to you is if you had the chance to change your self and not be attracted to men, would you take it?
    Also I would like to point out that Sikhs keep their hair in the belief that what God has given us is sacred and should not be tampered with, do you not feel as if your disobeying the rule of accepting what God has given you by averting to a different path?
    -Anoop (15)

  • http://www.gaysikh.com [email protected]

    Hi Anoop,

    Firstly may I thank you for such an interesting and honest post.

    If I was given the chance to be straight I would not take it. This is simply because I believe that God intended me to be born Gay, it is simply meant to be. I believe that God has found me strong and capable enough to deal with homophobia but also to help others (by way of this blog and other means).

    Yes, we as Sikhs do not cut our hair for the same reason I wish not to be converted “straight” as this is what God has intended. If I decided to go down a different path I do not think that makes me any less a Sikh (in terms of cutting hair). If I feel I can justify it and still be true to my meaning of Sikhism then my relationship with God is just as strong.

    What are your thoughts?

  • San Fran

    your response was admirable.

    I have noticed universal arguments against gay people, across many cultures; they say, “those people are not from here. That is not our way. Do not bring them into our life here.”

    but God’s gay/lesbian children are actually everywhere.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi San Fran,
      Firstly I must say thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my article.

      Usually when others do not understand something they are quick to dismiss it as incorrect. This is where I feel racism and homophobia stem from. We have come a long way, many people would now be more curious before crafting their opinion. However ultimately I feel it’s culture that has been holding us back in terms on equality within sexuality. Your final comment resonates well with me, we are all Gods creation and God makes no mistake. Therefore homosexuals are exactly how God intended 🙂

      Thank you 🙂

  • Paco

    I have now spent some time reading through your blog, the comments people leave and your reactions. And I must say I am completely astonished! I admire your courage to openly describe your development, the thoughts and doubts you encountered and still encounter, and your dedication to demonstrating why (your) sexuality and religion do not exclude one another. You always seem to provide as detailed information on action, scripture and practice as you can (I am using the “seem to” because I am not an expert, neither do I have insight into your thoughts;-). And, above all, you stay patient and polite (where I might have exploded with emotion) and base your answers on facts. Congratulations! A great blog!

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Paco,

      Thank you for reading my blog and your positive comments. It’s through positive encouragement and acceptance from people such as yourself that enables me to continue my journey.

      Unfortunately there are many Sikhs whom believe being gay is a choice and not compatible with Sikhism, however I’m happy to say there is growing support to oppose this.

      I believe the only way in which a message can be successfully delivered is by showing patience, understanding and knowledge. Simply resorting to insults and swearing achieves nothing.

      Thanks once again 🙂

  • Karan

    Even though I do not agree with you for wishing to change the rehat maryada and going against Akal Takhts hukamnameh, I wish you all the best from my heart. I am really sorry for all those people that have been rude to you and wish you all the best.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Karan,

      Thank you. Most of the negative comments I’ve received have been from Sikhs that simply do not understand homosexuals. They have never knowingly interacted with one which just goes to prove my point that we as homosexuals are no different to straight people. We look and act the same. By the existence of this blog I am able to bring this taboo subject into the open and hopefully begin acceptance.

      With regards to Akal Takht, I feel there is a direct conflict. If we as Sikhs are to love and live in a family and we are all equal, perfect creations of God, how can the rule opposing same sex marriage exist? I’m sure you can understand my predicament.

  • http://sikandarnirmalsingh.com nirmal

    sikhi is more about morals than anything. morals, logic, and respect….and how you use this to affect ur life and others. that is what gurbani is about. with that in mind, there is no reason a homosexual person cant choose to lead their life as respectful as a heterosexual one. i have seen some gay people who have led destructive lives, but it was not due to their sexuality. they made the same poor life choices as heterosexuals. ive seen many more heterosexuals who lead false, shameful, and destructive lives, some would cover it up with religion. ive seen homosexual couples raise children better than straight ones. im not at all convinced of the ignorance of gay bashers. in fact, my gay and lesbian friends often tend to be better people with a keener understanding of others.

    • Gay Sikh

      You have seen homosexual couples bring up children better than some straight ones? That’s really nice to hear, did they have any issues when they initially adopted? A parent is someone who can bring up a child correctly, to me, male or female doesnt matter. As long as the child is taught well how to live life, is loved and loves, it’s a great start, much better than so many children have unfortunately. It makes much more sense to me to adopt as oppose to introduce another child into this world.

  • aliya

    Sikhi is beautiful because it empowers the individual, it doesn’t dictate attitudes towards sex, it’s open-minded and it’s gender-neutral. All arguments saying that Sikhi is against homosexuality are weak and uninformed – you are on the right path. You are a true Sikh. I was very happy to read your blog. I married a white man and some of my relatives tried to make me feel guilty. My retort to them: Why? Do you think Guru Nanak would object to his skin colour? These people were trying to couch their cultural objections in religious terms. And it’s the same in your case: There is nothing morally reprehensible about being gay. You sound like a really nice person and I’m sure Guru Nanak would whole-heartedly support you. How one person copulates with another is none of anybody’s business – the only time it should become society’s business is if someone is being abused. Many people see homosexuals as depraved, child-molesting perverts – one could also make this generalization towards heterosexual men. Situations where sexuality is repressed is where perversions develop – the Catholic church is rife with examples of that. We’re lucky in Sikhi that we have so much spiritual freedom but people don’t make the most of it. And why is everyone so against lust – what about the other 4 thieves? We all have anger, greed, attachment, pride and lust, it’s only natural – the point is not to go overboard. The Akal Takht is nothing but a bunch of semi-literate, power-hungry bullies. When I was small in Punjab my grandmother would take me to the Gurudwara and she would read from the Guru Granth Sahib, when my parents got married, my mother’s masi did the Anand Karaj – there are no priests in Sikhi but we have taken that spiritual freedom and thrown it away and now everyone touches the feet of the granthi like he’s some holy man. I could go on and on about malpractices in Sikhi that drive me crazy. Also, the reason why Sikhs don’t cut their hair is not because it’s natural and a gift from “God” etc etc because then maybe we should also stop cutting our fingernails. When the Mughal emperor put a price on every Sikh head he expected that the converted Sikhs would revert back to their old religions; Guru Gobind Singh in his response wrote to the emperor that here I’ll make it even easier for you to spot us by our distinct turbans; the unshorn hair is symbolic for the spiritual warrior. Thank-you for keeping true Sikhi alive.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Aliya,

      This message means so much to me, it’s so informative and as I read it my face lit up. To me, it sounds like you are definitely on the right path of Sikhi and have lived it from an early age. It’s obvious you have been brought up very well by your parents. I share your dismay regarding marrying a “non Sikh”, around 10 years ago it was regarded as complete blasphemy and incredible shame would be cast upon the family. In my family we have two situations like this and both times the parents reacted negatively. Thankfully now, they have overcome this and have returned to living a healthy family life. Whenever a similar situation now arises, there is no hostility, just pure love and happiness. I hope that one day this can also be said for same sex marriages, it IS going to be a difficult path, someone has to make the first step which can cause some conflict, but this will make it easier for others. I have no problem in doing this, as you and I both believe, there IS a place for homosexuality within Sikhism and we are all about treating all as equal.

      Your comments regarding lust is so true. It’s irrelevant of the persons sexuality, lust is lust. Love is completely different! You can love and not lust, thereby living a healthy Sikhi lifestyle. Any that agree to me are just showing anger, which again is one of the 5 thieves.

      I would really like some more information regarding the Akal Takht. Do you think it’s possible the Rehat Maryada could be amended?

      Thank you for reading and a huge thank you for your comments 🙂

  • Romy

    Dear Gay Sikh,
    Your posts are awe-inspiring. As a straight Sikh female, I would like for you know that reading your posts not only enlightens me to your struggle but also empowers me greatly. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you growing up as a gay man and a Sikh. The amount of adversity gay teens and young people face especially is horrifying, I can not comprehend how difficult it must have been for you especially growing up as a Sikh, coming from an ethnic and religious minority. I wholeheartedly would like to thank you for posting on this website, and sharing your opinions as well as your experiences with us. I want you to know that I support you, I believe in your struggle, and I also think that you are on the right path. You were born exactly to be exactly who you are supposed to be, and this was pre-ordained by Guru Jee himself.

    In regards to the issue of lust/and only having sex for the means to pro-create; I believe there’s nothing wrong with sex or gay sex. Gay sex should not be seen as or treated as any different from heterosexual sex. Gay sex should especially not be seen as rooted in lust. I feel that sex with your married partner is not rooted in lust, but is rooted in love. Anyone who is married can similarly attest to this– regardless of whether they are gay or straight. Likewise, I agree with you and gays should not be banned from marrying in Gurdwara simply because gay sex is regarded as ‘unnatural’ or as rooted in lust, simply because it does not lead to childbearing. Sex can be seen as an expression of energy. When you are married and in love with someone you will want to express this love to them sexually– which is why it is given the term love making, it is rooted in love. Sex is a deeply intimate,and beautiful experience which is sacred since noone else is privy to it aside from you and your beloved. It is not something to be ashamed of, because it is an expression of the purity of ones love for one another. Simply stated, gay sex should not be chastised as an unnatural lustful perversion simply because it is different from the norm (heterosexual sex); gay sex, like any other sex with your married partner stems from an expression of love not lust.

    We are all human, we are all equals, we have the right to love and marry whomever we chose. Everyone deserves to be loved. Gays should not be forbidden from marrying in the Darbar Sahib for any reason at all. These are just my humble opinions and I hope I do not unintentionally offend anyone reading. If I do, I apologize in advance. Gay Singh, you are amazing, please do not be deterred from the path you are on. It is not you who needs to change, our social norms must change to be more inclusive of the society we are all part of today. Please continue to post and enlighten us with your experience! Waheguru:)

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Romy,

      Thanks for taking the time to write a comment.

      I’m happy to hear you find this blog awe inspiring, it’s taken a long time to put into words and I genuinely hope it goes to help others in my situation whether it be family members or Gay Sikhs.

      Growing up being a Gay Sikh was very difficult however living in London made it much easier. I’m afraid to say I did initially distance myself from my family, and this was quite difficult.

      There is a very obvious distinction between love and lust. You are correct in saying that lust affects everyone just as love does. Lust is irrelevant of sexuality, a Gay Sikh can express love without falling ill to lust.

      It’s so nice to hear others such as yourself agreeing with my views, it settles me to know there are others on our side. Getting married in a Gudwara would be great, I know it’s not going to happen tomorrow but at least we wheels are in motion (especially with same sex marriages now legal in the UK).

      I will do my best to blog about my experiences. Please ensure you subscribe and pass this onto your friends.

      Thank you!

  • Gay Sikh

    Hi ’403punjabi’,

    Yes I do delete your comments and that’s not because you don’t agree with my opinion, but because you proceed to write in a way using foul abusive words and poor English. If you were to construct your sentences better, I’d leave your comment online and provide a response, similarly to how I do with all the others above.

    Thanks

  • Satnam

    WJKK WJKF,

    I am Sikh, have been blessed with Amrit and I am a woman who is a lesbian.
    I have just found this website, and although I stay away from these discussions I feel that i cannot just ignore this. There are far too many people who are Sikh but are having to shelter from their true self. Please note that i am not trying to hurt anyone’s beliefs as i first and foremost believe that your life, is your journey, and your journey alone. That on this earth we have no one apart from if we choose to believe in the divine. For me, someones sikhi is their own journey between them and Guru Sahib Ji.

    From following our basic principles of sikhi.

    Guru Sahib says:

    Ek om kar: there is only the divine, there is only him, regardless of what. He is the creator he is the created.

    satnam: his name is truth. He is truth.

    Kartar purak: he is timeless, truth is timeless

    Nirbo: without fear.

    Nirvair: without hate, no discrimination.

    I shall stop there with the mool mantar. From the above our Guru sahib tells us everything, infact from ek om kar, Guru Nanak Devv Ji tells us we are not him,her or I. We are him.

    Sikhi is about being truthful, living our truth, helping, serving and mediating. Now i am sure you will agree with all of the above, as this is bani, this is what Guru Sahib write, Gurbani is the truth right. So from this, the first words from our Guru Ji i ask you are you following it?

    How can I (in this case anyone who is gay) be truthful, if i am being told that what i am is not acceptable?

    How can you tell me that sikhi is a religion of equality, a religion where there is no discrimination, when you (those opposing someone from being a gay sikh – (as though it is a choice))?

    How can being gay be wrong, if god has made me this way? Are we saying he has made something imperfect?

    I have heard numerous time that Gay people is a modern thing and that it was not around during the Guru Jis times, firstly i disagree, there are painting as far back as 540 BC where there are drawings of gay people. And for arguments sake if you are to say to me that Guru Jis were not exposed to it, i have to ask you how can our Guru Sahib ji not have been, there is evidence that Guru Nanak Dev Ji traveled all over- even the Vatican, he tells us of planets that only now our scientists have discovered. How can you think our Guru ji never knew what homosexuality is, and if it was wrong they would have condemned it outright.

    Another argueent which is also common is people state that Guru granth sahib ji always refers to man and woman marrying each other. But then Guru sahib ji also states that the soul is genderless, that the gender is of no importance, However yes Guru Ji does write in a context of man and woman, but Guru Ji writes so we can all understand. Guru Ji writes of a relationship between a brother and sister, about a mother and son, about the relationship between a man and a woman. But what about those people who don’t have a mother, don’t have brothers or sisters, are too young to be married. Guru Ji writes about your first night as a married woman and that on meditating on her beloved she will give herself to him. I am to ask you if you are a man, do you know what that would feel like? if you had no mother would you know what that relationship is meant to be like? if you had no sibling, would you know what it is to have that bond?

    I am hoping to all this the answer is yes, and the reason why we can all understand this is because Guru Sahib Ji wanted us all to understand. I am gay, i have not been in a relationship, but i can full understand what that love is like between a man and a woman. I do not need to experience it. If this wasn’t the case thn how would a man be able to understand when guru ji talks of himself as the man and all of us as the soul bride? That would suggest that god is making all of the males who read gurbani gay, yes sounds absurd right.

    Guru Ji, is speaks to us ALL, so we can ALL understand the message.

    As for the point about the Akaal Thakt, yes i agree they are our highest order following Guru Sahib Ji, but i must question there actions. What they say of how we as sikhs should be is questionable. The order to not allow females to do kirtan or guru jis seva at Darbar sahib in amritsar is beyond following principles of equality. They have recently in the last 15/20years banned gay marriages taking place, which was never mentioned before. As i see it, i respect them, but i also believe that they are humans, and that what they are doing is of their own opinion.

    I could keep going but i shall stop. My reply here is not here to offend but to make someone understand. I feel that we have become judgmental along the way, we say we do not discriminate against anyone, in this case anyone who is gay, but we are, how are we not when we say yes you can be gay, but you are not welcome to be sikh?

    The problem with saying being gay and sikh is not allowed is that it is only driving people away from sikhi, or making people unhappy with their life. This life we have been giving is a blessing, but we need to let people live with whatever cards they have been given. We should be supporting each other rather that pushing people out. We are making our own criteria of what sikhi is these days and what and what is not acceptable. The issue should be how we can make our sikh community understand that being gay is fine, but acting on lust before marriage is wrong. And that applies to all sexuality’s.

    Forgive me for any mistakes.

    WJKK WJKF

    • Jaswinder Singh Suniara

      Awesome post yes I would agree a person’s Sikhi is individual’s relationship with Guruji and Akalpurakh.

  • Param Singh

    Awesome thread !

  • Sada Virsa

    http://www.sgpc.net/sikhism/sikh-dharma-manual.html

    ACCORDING TO Sikh Rehat Maryada – Definition of Sikh
    Any human being who faithfully believes in:
    • One Immortal Being
    • Ten Gurus, from Guru Nanak Dev to Guru Gobind Singh
    • The Guru Granth Sahib
    • The utterances and teachings of the ten Gurus
    • The baptism bequeathed by the tenth Guru, and who does not owe allegiance to any
    other religion, is a Sikh.

    Most important —

    Article XVIII – Anand Sanskar (Lit. Joyful Ceremony)
    a. A Sikh man and woman should enter wedlock without giving thought to the prospective spouse’s caste and descent.
    b. A Sikh’s daughter must be married to a Sikh.
    c. A Sikh’s marriage should be solemnized by Anand marriage rites.
    d. Child marriage is taboo for Sikhs.
    e. When a girl becomes marriageable, physically, emotionally and by virtue of maturity of character, a suitable Sikh match should be found and she be married to him by Anand marriage rites.

    Question:

    As a Gay or Lesbian how do you claim to hold up to the Guru’s word and instruction for way of life?

    Guru’s did not preach against or for the homosexual lifestyle. But they did teach significantly about virtues of marriage – between man and woman. They did teach about family and children, mother and father. Etc.

    Question:

    Being a gay or lesbian and living that lifestyle, how do you intend to have children and raise them?

    Sikhism does not support the lifestyle of Gay or Lesbian because it is not normal behavior and it does not allow the human life to propagate and continue. Regardless of advances in science – with test tube babies etc. Your life style while not in conflict with the written verse from our Gurus. This life style is in conflict with the values and virtues of family that the guru’s preached and they all led family lives as well as having children.

    We do not dispute your right to live life as you please but according to Sikh Rehat Maryada you can not claim to be a Sikh by living the lifestyle you choose.

    • Gay Sikh

      As I’ve mentioned before the Rehat Maryada cannot be described as one definitive set of rules that all Sikhs must adhere to, they have changed in the past. There are many rules in the Rehat Maryada that I see broken almost daily. Whilst I am not refuting it, I’m simply saying if one was not to follow the Rehat Maryada, that doesn’t make them any less of a Sikh. That being said..

      As a Gay or Lesbian how do you claim to hold up to the Guru’s word and instruction for way of life? Guru’s did not preach against or for the homosexual lifestyle. But they did teach significantly about virtues of marriage – between man and woman. They did teach about family and children, mother and father. Etc.

      A Gay man or woman can get married and live a fulfilling loving family lifestyle. Sikhi values will not be lost. The Anand Karaj is non gender specific, why do you think this is? It’s because the gender is irrelevant, instead superseded by a love for one another.

      Being a gay or lesbian and living that lifestyle, how do you intend to have children and raise them?

      I would like to clarify your very slap-dash comments. You use the word lifestyle like its a choice and as if homosexual people lead completely different lives. This is a huge misconception. Truth be told, you probably wouldn’t even know if the people you meet are gay or straight. This is because they have a simple normal life, just like straight people. So please, dont use the word lifestyle, as it means nothing.

      From your comments, is it fair to say that Sikh people shouldn’t resort to science if wishing to concieve? Are you saying that if a person is born a certain way (ie sterile, or gay), that they shouldn’t have children? Just to reiterate, this does not conflict with the Guru’s values. Gay people CAN have children and lead fulfilling successful credible family lives.

      We do not dispute your right to live life as you please but according to Sikh Rehat Maryada you can not claim to be a Sikh by living the lifestyle you choose.

      A parting gift, please refrain from using “you” and “we”. There isn’t need to enforce segregation, we are all one. You really can’t speak for all the straight people, because truth be told, I believe you’re in the minority with your archaic views.

      • Jaswinder Singh Suniara

        This is brilliant website is shame it is dormant for 3 years is so civilised no effing and jeffing except for “403punjabi” and they got deleted!

        • http://www.gaysikh.com GaySikh

          Hey Jaswinder!

          Thanks for taking the time and commenting on the posts here. Really appreciate you taking the time to contribute 🙂

          I haven’t added to this site in a while but it’s still maintained. If you have any ideas for articles, I’d be more than happy to accommodate.

          Thanks again!

    • Jaswinder Singh Suniara

      But there is evidence that gay is not a lifestyle choice and it occurs at the genetic level, one is born gay and it is not learned.

  • Ava

    Hi! This has been quite an interesting read! I was wondering if there was somewhere I could contact you at? I would love to have more of a discussion with you and your view on things. I have never met a Gay Sikh before, even though I did know that there must be people out there. And I must say, I admire your courage for letting people know that you are gay, and I also give you respect in the term of you replying to people with patience and not lashing out in anger.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Ava!

      Thank you for the comments. It’s really nice to hear someone appreciating the hard work I’m doing. I’m based in London and maybe you could email me on [email protected]?

      Thanks!

  • seva

    Through writing all this. It was a sin to forget Wahguru for a just a second. We have these 5 evils in us for procreation purposes. Once we get pleasures and luxuries of life, we start to fall victim to our death. Our guru recommends us to live among people but with the death of our mind. This determines the spiritual field we achieve in our life after death

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi there

      I’m not sure I agree, the 5 evils do not lead us to procreate.

    • Gay Sikh

      Hi Seva,

      How is this related to being a Gay Sikh?

  • sikhkaur

    I am really impressed with this website! I believe you to be more sikh than anyone because you have honored your faith and are honoring yourself. Im sikh and have been thinking about really dedicating myself towards sikhism and its core values. All i find are judgemental sikhs who go against Gurus teachings All The Time, but are the first to judge others. Aren’t we all one? We as a faith werent meant to be followers, we were meant to be leaders. I honestly respect you for being true to your Guru. I also want to thank you for providing knowledge in regards to this sensitive topic. We cant ignore what WE dont like. You face every topic and every struggle head on. One more thing I want to say, there are many sikh couples man and woman who go against Gurus teaching. They are married and breaking the vows set by our Gurus. Anyone who questions gay Sikhs, first go fix those issues that are being brushed under the carpet everyday, before you bash or criticize a brother who is just trying to understand and live with honor and dignity. You and I were both created by the Almighty. He is One. And He is without Judgement.

  • punjabi.kid

    Being gay is against sikhism if it isnt im quitin

    • Gay Sikh

      It isn’t and you shouldn’t 🙂

    • Jaswinder Singh Suniara

      Punjabi.kid?! The name says it all! Nuff said!

  • Anonymous

    No it is not! Thank you for being you..Wah [email protected] g

  • Jaswinder Singh Suniara

    Caste in Sikhi.
    Jaswinder is a very popular name for Sikhs. Suppose you have a roomful of jaswinder Singhs, what does one do then?

    Answer: you allow what would once be called ‘caste’ names actually family names based on birth village, family occupation etc. For example , my name indicates that my ancestors were goldsmiths. These names should carry equal weight in regards to status except maybe for bedi and sodhi/rai these being the ‘caste’ of Guru Nanak Dev ji and Guru Gobind Singh ji respectively. I know that if I learned that someone’s name was either bedi or sodhi/rai, I would almost instinctively reach to touch their feet out of respect.